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To be sung by a powerful tenor to the tune of ‘Funiculi, Funicula!’ and after quite a lot of wine has been drunk by both audience and performer.
CHRISTMAS PUDDING
Alan Titchmarsh
To make a Christmas pudding you need patience
And lots of time
Chorus: And lots of time
The recipe is long and very ancient
With barley wine
Chorus: With barley wine
First, you take a basin and some muslin
To seal the top
Chorus: To seal the top
Once you start the mixing, it is tiring
You never stop
Chorus: You never stop
Grapes, sultanas, half a pound of plums,
Chopped bananas, nuts and lots of crumbs,
You stir it left, you stir it right,
You need to stay up half the night,
Taste the dish and make a wish
To keep your Christmas bright!
My mother bakes a pudding, it is tiny,
It’s very small
Chorus: It’s very small
My brother bakes a pudding, oh, cor blimey
It fills the hall
Chorus: It fills the hall
Granny takes her time and uses honey
It’s very thick
Chorus: It’s very thick
Sister’s is like slime and very runny
It makes you sick
Chorus: It makes you sick
Tame it, flame it, with whisky made with malt,
Suet, cruet, don’t forget the salt,
With milk and peel and eggs and spice
It’s bound to taste most awfully nice,
Deck’d with holly, very jolly,
It’s my Christmas vice.
Boil, it, broil it, cook it till it steams,
Coat it, float it on custards and on creams,
With lemon and lime and lots of time,
To make your recipe in rhyme,
Make it merry with a cherry,
Christmas pudding time. Oi!
