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Normal folk believe that if a thing is not broken, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it could not possibly have enough features…yet.
*****
Two engineering students were walking along when one said, “How can you afford such a lovely bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this very bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good call; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
*****
There was an engineer who had an exceptionally gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with their most complicated machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work, but to no avail.
In desperation, they called on the retired, engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine.
At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.”
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for £20,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
“One chalk mark -£1. Knowing where to put it – £19,999.
*****
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”
The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
“Hey George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent and respectful for a moment.
The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my colleagues and see if there’s anything he can do for sight.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
*****
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build the weapons.
Civil engineers build the targets.
*****
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
