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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from GIRLFRIEND 7.0 to WIFE 1.0
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In Addition Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my 1 favourite applications. I’m thinking about going back to girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception among men. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. Suggest installing the background application Yes Dear to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, also suggest that you read the entire section regarding ‘General Partnership Faults (GPF?s).
You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. Best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGISE. Avoid excessive use of C:YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for GPF’s. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high Maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is purchase additional software. Recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds should this happen.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support.
AND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: ‘http: I Thought You Loved Me/’ and try to download Tears.
Don’t forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember – overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
