Some people try to turn back their oldometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
*****
One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young.
*****
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
*****
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper…it’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
*****
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around- WalMart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too…I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her…what does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?’
To which the old guy says, “It doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.”
*****
“Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!” Now, if you feel this doesn’t apply to you then stick around awhile…it will!
*****
Another year has passed
And we’re all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
To put down on my pad,
But lots of things, That come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About ‘Living in the Past’.
We used to go to friends homes,
Football games and lunches.
Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn’t get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
We used to travel often
To places near and far.
Now we get backaches
From riding in the car.
We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother…
All the sizes are too small.
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up…
Before you’re too darn old!
*****
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!
