Funny Lines

A man’s home is his castle, in a  manor of speaking. 

   

Dijon vu –  the same mustard as before. 

 

Practice safe eating – always use  condiments. 

 

Shotgun wedding – A case of  wife or death. 

 

A man needs a mistress just to  break the monogamy. 

 

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 

 

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a  form of floor play. 

 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 

 

Condoms should be used on every  conceivable occasion. 

 

Reading while  sunbathing makes you well red. 

 

When two egotists meet, it’s an I  for an I. 

 

A bicycle can’t stand on its own  because it is two tired. 

 

What’s the definition of a will?  (It’s a dead give away.) 

 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit  flies like a banana. 

 

In democracy your vote counts. In  feudalism your count votes. 

 

She was engaged to a boyfriend with  a wooden leg but broke it off. 

 

A chicken crossing the road is  poultry in motion. 

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you  get repossessed. 

 

With her marriage, she got a new  name and a dress. 

 

The man who fell into an upholstery  machine is fully recovered. 

 

You feel stuck with your debt if  you can’t budge it. 

 

Local Area Network in  Australia  –  the LAN down under. 

 

Every calendar’s days are numbered. 

 

A lot of money is tainted – Taint  yours and taint mine. 

 

A boiled egg in the  morning is hard to beat. 

 

He had a photographic memory that  was never developed. 

 

A midget fortune-teller who escapes  from prison is a small medium at large. 

 

Once you’ve seen one shopping  center, you’ve seen a mall. 

 

Bakers trade bread  recipes on a knead-to-know basis. 

 

Santa’s helpers are subordinate  clauses. 

 

Acupuncture is a jab well  done.


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