‘Old’ is when…
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’
‘Old’ is when…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
‘Old’ is when…
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
‘Old’ is when…
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
‘Old’ is when…
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
‘Old’ is when…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
‘Old’ is when…
‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take any fibre today.
‘Old’ is when…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
‘Old’ is when…
An ‘all-nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
‘Old’ is when…
You are not sure these are jokes?
*****
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS'”
*****
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes, Dad. What is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…”
*****
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I worry to hear them say, “You don’t look that old, you probably did once.”
******
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
*****
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
*****
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
*****
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
*****
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
*****
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
*****
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around WalMart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her…what does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.”
“What does your wife look like?”
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.”
*****
“Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!”
Now, if you feel this doesn’t apply to you then stick around awhile. It will!
