As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn
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When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu
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I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes
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Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind
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The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr
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I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.
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Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford
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The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan
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Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall
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Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.
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Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
~ WH Auden
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If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson
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Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
~ Jimmy Durante
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America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
~ Doug Hamwell
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The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts
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If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
~ Jonathan Winters
